So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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