last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm always down for nudity.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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