if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
