I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
