I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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