I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
