Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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