I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
