I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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