he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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