So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
