Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
