We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
