can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
