she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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