You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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