one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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