I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
