I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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