I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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