then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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