# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
