he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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