Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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