dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
