he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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