Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
