shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and she was petting her beer can
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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