On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
