I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
