if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
