I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
