I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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