wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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