Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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