The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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