Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
