There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
