counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
