He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
