so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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