I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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