Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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