I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
