my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
