Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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