I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
