Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
