Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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