Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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