what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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