THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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