and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
