we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
