Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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