All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
