Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
