You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
