Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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