drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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