Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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