He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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