yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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