you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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