Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
