So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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