so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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