fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
and you fell through a lawn chair
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
