Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
