The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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